Pay someone to be my friend!

I kinda feel like i'm letting you guys down with this blog. I haven't really been doing much to write about :( . Today seemed like a really really lonely day for me, probably one of my loneliest since i've been here. Last night i had someone tell me they're trying to go out as much as possible and join in on things so they can make lots of friends so one day if they wanna visit again they'll be able to stay with these friends. It made me think a lot. I haven't secured a real connection with anyone. You know how you meet that person or those people you have lunch with on the regular or when the weekend comes you guys have your plans set and you're excited for it, i definitely don't have anything close to that. I mean, it's not a surprise for me i guess because in my three years at Loyola i secured two friends that i really felt connected to. I try not to let it bother me but one of the basic human needs is the need for belongingness and i definitely don't feel like i belong anywhere. I don't talk about it with anyone because i've tried to before and i get the same response everytime "Just meet people, just talk to people" Thank you captain obvious if it was that easy i would have a billion friends. I think the best thing anyone ever told me was not to worry about, that i'm doing fine. It kinda reminded me that i am different than most people, maybe it does take me longer to build connections and when i do those connections are very meaningful. It's still hard you know to see everyone with at least one person they connect with, laughing and joking, making plans. Oh no the worst is probably when you're walkin with a group of people and you feel like the odd man out, you are definitely not a part of the group, they have their inside jokes, theyre making plans right in front of you and they even all walk altogether leaving you trailing behind, far enough that its obvious you are not in the group but not far enough where you can play it off and pretend you're walking alone anyway. I think the isolation took such a toll on me today that it read all over my face because even the lady serving dinner asked me if i was ok. I don't really know what to do to change the situation but hopefully i come up with something or i meet just one person that makes me feel just a little less isolated in Australia:( . This is suppose to be the time of my life right and i am experiencing new things but i really can't take anymore lonely trips to the mall, its getting depressing now. I need to put up an Ad for a friend. Lonely, silly girl looking for a nice female friend to feel connected to! Sigh, hopefully it gets better, i'll try to be optimistic. Yay friendship, believable? lol At this point i'm still hopeful but in another week i'm gonna really be willing to pay someone to be my friend! lol